Dealing with Difficult People

Linda uses her wide experience in Leadership and Conflict Resolution to give a simple guide to anybody who has to deal with difficult people or situations – everybody?

Recognise that most employees/clients can be "difficult" from time to time.

This can be caused by stress on the job or away from it. Some employees/clients are difficult more often than others. It is not always your least productive employees who are difficult. So take a moment to evaluate each situation for the unique situation it is.

Do your homework

Always act on facts. Don't base your actions on gossip or rumour. The person spreading the gossip is a difficult person in their own way. If you have not seen the inappropriate behaviour yourself, look into it. Ask the people reportedly involved. Collect all the facts you can before you act.
Don't use the fact that you haven't seen the inappropriate behaviour as an excuse to delay doing something. It is important to act promptly.
Make sure you aren't part of the problem. It will be much more difficult to remain calm and impartial in tackling the difficult behaviour if you are partly responsible. If that's the case, be sure you acknowledge your role in it, at least to yourself.

Develop a plan

You're a manager. You know the value of planning. This situation is no different. You need to plan the timing of the conversation. You need to select a quiet, private place where you won't be interrupted. You need to decide whether you need to have others, like an HR representative, present in the meeting. Plan the conversation and then make it happen.
When you have prepared, it is time to act. You do not need to act impulsively, but you must act quickly. The longer an inappropriate behaviour/situation is allowed to continue, the harder it will be to change it or stop it.

Confront the problem

Don't put it off. It may not be pleasant, but it's an important part of your job. It will not "fix itself". It can only get worse. You have planned this conversation. Now you need to have the meeting.

Deal with the behaviour/situation, not the person

Your goal is to develop a solution, not to "win". Focus on the inappropriate behaviour/situation; don't attack the person.

• Use "I" statements like "I need everybody on the team here on time so we can meet our goals" rather than "you" statements like "you are always late".
• Don't assume the inappropriate behaviour is caused by negative intent. It may be from fear, confusion, lack of motivation, personal problems, etc.
• Give the other person a chance to develop a solution to the problem. They are more likely to "own" the solution if they are at least partially responsible for developing it.

Try to draw out the reasons behind the behaviour/actions

As you talk with the employee/client, actively listen to what they say. Stay calm and stay positive, but remain impartial and non-judgmental. Ask leading questions that can't be answered in one or two words. Don't interrupt.

• When you do respond to the employee/client, remain calm. Summarise back to them what they just said, "so what I understand you are saying is ……………", so they know you are actually listening to them.
• If you can find out from the employee/client what the real source of the inappropriate behaviour/action is, you have a much better chance of finding a solution.

Sometimes these conversations will go smoothly, or at least rapidly, to a conclusion. Other times it will require several sessions to resolve the problem.

Repeat as necessary

Minor problems, like being late for work, you may be able to resolve with a simple chat in your office with the employee. An office bully, who has used that behaviour successfully since elementary school, may need more than one conversation before a solution can be reached. Be patient. Don't always expect instant results. Aim for continuous improvement rather than trying to achieve instant success.

Know when you are in over your head

Sometimes the underlying issue with a difficult employee/client will be beyond your capabilities. They may have psychological problems that require professional help, for example. Learn when to keep trying and when to refer the person to others for more specialised help. Your company may have support professionals or you may need to use resources from the community.

Know when you are at the end

While the goal is always to reach a mutually acceptable solution that resolves the difficulties and keeps your team at full strength, sometimes that is not possible. When you reach an impasse and the employee/client is not willing to change his or her behaviour then you need to research your policy for progressing to a more formal disciplinary outcome.

Coming to a Solution

The desired result from confronting a difficult employee's inappropriate behaviour is an agreed upon solution. You know that this inappropriate behaviour will continue unless you and the employee agree on a solution. The employee needs to know what is inappropriate about their behaviour and they also need to know what appropriate behaviour is. The need for a manager to communicate clearly is always important. It is especially important in these situations. Make very sure the employee understands the requirements and the consequences.

Linda Trapnell
Leadership and Training Practitioner